Mary in the middle and I had our date night last night. By the skin of my teeth, I avoided the McDonald's play ground, and she chose to "take me" to a mexican restaurant. There are tortillas doused in butter and free ice cream to wash it all down. Mary and I share the same love for food, so we are great pair.
She's SO different than Allie. I asked her many questions because her little voice is squelched by "loud" and "louder" at this house. Ten minutes into our conversation, she politely asked me to quit talking because she was tired of talking. She smiled, and happily, we sat in silence.
She did tell me who she likes to play with at school, and that she is so ready to learn how to read. She started talking about her daddy, and I'm not even remembering what she said, but I commented that he is such a good daddy, and that I love him very much. She replied without hesitation, "Do you love him as much as you love me, Allie, Garrett, and Chubby Cheeks?"
The question threw me off guard....not because she asked if I loved Daddy more than her but because when she grouped her siblings together, she named off Chubby Cheeks without even hesitating or forgetting that he will be her brother. We told her about 2 weeks ago that we were adopting, and it's just fascinating to me that she at almost 5 years old seems to wrap her mind around it all better than I do...as an adult.
You may be thinking..."oh there was not THAT much to her question", but to me there was. We have not had deep discussions about all this with her, but upon hearing that we are adopting a baby brother, she has accepted the fact already that he is included and that we love him as much as we love her. That is a big statement of faith on her part I believe. Children are amazing that way. She doesn't worry about whether she will love him like she loves Allie or Garrett....she has already "adopted" him in her heart as her brother whether she realizes it or not because when she speaks of Allie and Garrett, she always includes Chubby Cheeks as well. The method of arrival to our family is not an issue.
One of my dearest friends on the planet said to me today, "I don't know if I'd be a good adoptive mom because how could you love an adopted child as much as your biological children?"...or something like that. We talked about it a while. You think I haven't worried and thought about this? I think any normal human in the early stages of adoption asks themselves this very question. I told her I spent several months going over this in my mind repeatedly. How is it possible to love a child unconditionally as I do my current children? To you who have adopted, feel free to comment. I would love to hear your perspective, as I'm on the wrong end of this conversation to have any experience in this area. I know you if are adopted or have adopted that this whole notion will seem RIDICULOUS, but I'm exploring the range of emotions that come into play.
It is something I do not worry about anymore, and that is the point I'm trying to make. Our love for even our children is imperfect on this side of heaven. We think we do it well, but only God loves perfectly. He loves us perfectly, and He adopted us as his children. I feel FULLY confident that time will be necessary to cause a bond to be formed between me and my new son, but isn't the same thing necessary when you bring your newborn home? Those of you who haven't had a SCREAMING newborn, don't be so quick to answer. There is no question that when you look at your newborn baby, that immediately you are overwhelmed with love for him, but I also think that the bond is sealed over time as we care for, nurture, pray over, worry over, and get to know them daily as they grow up before our eyes. I think God teaches us through his daily refining of our selfish will to love our children and others like He does.
I'm reading a book called, Adopted for Life by Russell D. Moore. and I'd like to share an excerpt from the book that hit me like brick. I've read it over and over, and I feel like there is so much truth to it.
" Imagine for a moment that you are adopting a child. As you meet with the social worker in the last stage of the process, you are told that this twelve year old has been in and out of psychotherapy since he was three. He persists in burning things and in and attempting repeatedly to skin kittens alive. He "acts out sexually" the social worker says, although she doesn't really fill you in on what that means. She continues with a little family history. This boy's father, grandfather, great-grandfather and great great grandfather all had histories of violence, ranging from spousal abuse to serial murder. Each of them ended life the same way, death by suicide--each found hanging from a rope of blankets in his respective prison cell.
Think for a minute. Would you want this child? If you did adopt him, wouldn't you keep your eye on him as he played with your other children? Would you watch him nervously as he looks at the butcher knife on the kitchen table? Would you leave the room as he watched a movie on tv with your daughter, with the lights out?
Well, he's YOU. And He's ME. That's what the gospel is telling us. Our birth father has fangs. And left to ourselves, we'll show ourselves to be as serpentine as he is. But the New Testament addresses former Satan-images with good news. It's not just that we have a stay of execution, a suspension of doom. It's not simply that those who trust in Christ have found a refuge, a safe place, or a foster home. All those in Christ, Paul argues have received SONSHIP. We are now Abraham's offspring (Gal 3:39). Within this household--the tribal family of Abraham--all those who are in Christ have found a home through the adopting power of God. Because we've been brought into an already-existing family, we ought not to be proud, as though we were here by family entitlement (Rom. 11:11-25) We're here by GRACE."
Praise be to God that He adopted me.
Chew on that...it's good stuff.
We received an update on our son, yesterday. He's doing the army crawl, gets impatient when he's hungry, and has a bit of a serious side to him, but a lighter side too. Thank you Lord for this baby boy. Hold him safe until we can...and then keep holding him after that too.
