This week we received an update from our agency about CC complete with pictures. He looks so much older now that he is walking. Without trying to explain something that is hard to explain, we also learned that it is not an absolute that we will not travel this fall. Hear me say, it is more likely that we will travel next spring, but possible to say that this fall has not been ruled out.
I am filled with so many different emotions. Today I was really fighting some hard emotions that come up in my heart from time to time. I am overjoyed for our family to have the privilege to welcome this precious little boy into our family. He is going to bless us beyond our wildest dreams because we believe the Lord led us down this path of adoption and placed him in our hearts and very soon into our family. However, I do battle the anxiety almost daily of taking on the responsibility of 4 children. I struggle with feelings of inadequacy to know how to parent a toddler who has been ripped away from every bit of security he's ever known. I struggle with feelings of not wanting to do the toddler years one more time! ha. Some days, like today, through tears even, I confess to my husband that I think the Lord chose the wrong mamma for this baby! The mamma who is impatient, selfish, and tired! WHO SAYS THAT? WHO SERIOUSLY BELIEVES THAT??
I DO. I do believe that on the days where I don't hand over my fears to the Lord. I have shared this time and time again with a wise dear friend...and today she gave me the best advice. She said don't hand over the next year to the Lord...hand over TODAY to the Lord. It's ironic that we try to control things that are out of our control, and when we feel like we've lost control over controlling these things, then we say, fine Lord I'll give them to you...even though they were never ours to control in the first place!
I received an email this afternoon from our church's adoption support group. If you have made it this far, and and want to have a peak into what some adoptive families face, please read this blog post. I NEEDED to hear this today. I needed to be reminded ... ""Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you" (Deut. 31:6).
The link is http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2011/09/06/after-the-airport
I just looked at her speaking calendar, and she's going to be fairly close to our town in early 2012. Think I'm going to have to go see that. Anyone want a ride??
6 comments:
Love you friend! Thanks for being you and never trying to appear as something different! I am blessed you have you in my life. The cheeks is coming home to where he belongs!
AMEN to what K said! And I'm sure we she would agree that a ride with you is always worth the trip no matter where we go! Love you friend! Can't wait to pinch those cheeks...though I promise not to for a long time! ;o)
Thanks for sharing that great blog post. It's so true.
This baby is MORE than BLESSED to have YOU as a momma!!!!! Don't ever forget that. You are the perfect mom for this baby boy!!!!!
Yes, yes, yes, I love that after the airport post. AND I LOVE YOU, sweet friend! HE is able where you are not. :)
His strength will be perfected in you, to do what He's called you to do - love on that sweet tot.
Precious friend...What a blessing you are to your children. You are not alone...we all have those moments, days, weeks, of feeling inadequate. I want to share an encouragment with you that God encouraged me with this past week I Timothy 6:19 "O, Timothy, guard the deposit entrusted to you." (feel free to insert your name in place of Timothy...I did:) and II Timothy 1:14,"By the Holy Spirit who dwells within us, guard the good deposit entrusted to you." Our children are the good deposit and He has entrusted them to us. Thankfully, we do not love, train, and teach them out of our own efforts but out of a daily, moment by moment reliance on the Holy Spirit. Dwell in His presence, receive his provision, trust in His plan.
I love you dear friend and am praying for you!
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